Adjusting to my family as it is now!

For some individuals saying, “I am adjusting to my family as it is now” is a difficult statement to make.  A family member may have died or there has been a drastic change in the family for some reason.  What has it taken for someone to get to this point in their life?  How much grief and healing has happened?

Grieving is a difficult process and if the loss is unexpected or out of the family sequence of death, such as children dying before their grandparents and parents; then the family dynamics change dramatically.

Perhaps a child has died and the parents are adjusting to one less child in the family unit. The siblings are adjusting to a sibling not being there as the parent(s) try to function, grieve and continue to be a parent for the remaining children.  Initially, this is almost an impossibility, as grief is front and centre!

Adjusting, making life what it is going to become and trying to figure it out at a time when everything “feels” wrong. This adjusting can be with any type of change in a family dynamics, not only a death loss.  Consider if a child is missing or decided as an adult to distance themselves from the family.

A loss is a loss and grief can be connected to multiple loss scenarios.  This applies to children who are no longer connected to parents and other family for whatever reason.

Acceptance of the situation is needed for someone to get to a point where the healing process can unfold.  This does not mean the individual likes how the new life is, but begins to create a new way of living with the loss.  In some cases people do not change with their life and might remain “stuck”; you know who I am talking about.

Experiencing life again can be a challenge when there are no guidelines to follow. People who have not lived through the same situation as you may offer suggestions, but unless they have lived your life they do not totally know how to offer help or assistance.  This adjusting can take time with reflection and willingness to try new things.

Perhaps other family members are still a part of your family and they need you to know they are still here.  They also need to know you are there for them or are working on being present in life again; adjusting to your family as it is now!