What are you avoiding when a loss has occurred or you know it is going to happen soon? “GRIEF” may be the main experience you want to avoid. Does anyone willingly go into grief and if so does avoidance present itself at some time?
Keeping busy doing anything to avoid thinking about death and loss is common for many individuals. I have heard the comments, “If I stop I don’t know what I will do” or “If I slow down I may never get up again”. There seems to be a pending feeling or thought that people want to avoid when death or loss is a part of the scenario.
I’m no different, avoiding the pain of grief sounds good to me. Avoiding the sadness, missing, tears, sleepless nights, and sometimes wanting to run away from life and everyone who I don’t want to talk with when I feel this awful. Sometimes, avoiding myself sounds good if that were an option.
What are your thoughts on this topic? If you ran away from the situation, how far would you get before grief caught up with you? Consider also if we are talking about distance or time.
If time is something you run from, eventually it catches up to you. That can be 2 months or 20 years. I can guarantee you cannot outrun time.
Avoiding others is a common theme when loss affects an individual. Avoiding the pain associated with grief is not as easy to evade for any length of time whether it is your own or belonging to someone you know. Is it better to just look at the grief? Is it better to take chunks of sadness and feel that for a while then try to be “normal” again?
No matter what the loss is, normal may be gone from your life as you knew it to be. There may be an empty spot in your heart, the pit of your stomach or someplace where you hold the pain of your grief. You decide how much, for how long and in what manner you avoid what life brings your way.
Admitting to yourself or others that you really want to avoid life right now is healing, but do not avoid your life for too long. There are supportive people who care about you.
I have had clients who seek supports within days and weeks after a loss. I have also had clients who have waited ten, twenty and even 50 years to talk about their loss experiences. After decades there are many more issues to unravel than if the grief was not avoided in the first place.
Again, what are you avoiding?