Have you ever thought about how your grief affects other family members; children, grandchildren, a partner and who ever else may be closely connected to you? Chances are that when you are in the midst of grief this is the last thing you are thinking of.
For some people the midst of grief can be a spot that lasts for several years. While you may be grieving a significant loss, others in your family may be moving on with their lives. While you struggle to function, others have to get back to living; to pay the bills.
Your deep, intense and prolonged sadness in some cases is so heavy, others say they cannot be around you for very long. You may not be aware of this or you may comment that no one comes around anymore. You may feel more isolated and want life to be the way it was before the loss; as does your family.
They want you back in their life, not the fragmented version of you that they see. They know how difficult it is to deal with the loss of someone close to them; they hurt too and miss this person.
Sometimes your grief has prevented you from being there for your family. You may be aware of this after the fact, when it is too late; the damage has been done. Your family is or has stepped away from you.
They understand and want the best for you, but at the same time they need you in their lives, they are still alive! They worry about you as you worry about them. They may wonder if you are so depressed that you may consider suicide. Hmmm, maybe you have.
Your family is watching you and if you think you are hiding your true feelings from them, you are mistaken. Grief is like a grey cloud that follows you around until you start living life again. Everyone is different in how they progress through their loss and in how long it takes to do this. It is sad to say that some people never come out of the grief cloud.
I know that some people seem more resilient than others and process through loss faster. Those are the people who acknowledge the loss and hurt they feel, but move forward anyway. They start to live around their grief. They go out and start to act as if life is better until it does become better.
I do not know what to say to you to help you help yourself with this loss experience, but PLEASE TAKE NOTICE THAT YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU. Seek supports wherever you can and if you talk to one counsellor and that does not work, then talk to a different one.
You are a valued part of this life and as my great grandma said to me; “this life is for you too”. Please come out of the grief cloud, your family is waiting for you.
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders
“We must accept finite disappointment,
but we must never lose infinite hope”
Martin Luther King