I have heard several reasons why someone does not move forward in their life after a loss. Sometimes I wonder if this is avoidance, or if they truly are set on not moving forward.
Both concepts are accurate. One person who experienced several losses over the past 7 decades told me they were too old to start looking at what may be causing their difficulties in life; even admitting grief was a large part of the problem.
In this case I thought to myself, “how sad that an individual makes the decision to stay in a spot of emotional, spiritual and physical pain”. Hold on a moment… when someone else’s story touched me or caused me to ponder why, I knew this was an opportunity to look at myself and how I have or am currently dealing with my own grief. How about you?
How often have you stayed in a similar spot and for how long? For myself, I knew the negative effect my decisions had on my mind, body and spirit? Why did I do that to myself again and again? It was easy…so I thought, easier than looking deeper into what was hiding behind sadness and grief.
Who was I kidding? For that matter, who was I harming?
I came to understand the why behind part of someone else’s story no matter what decision was made. It was their story and not mine. No right or wrong decisions I always say, just life lessons.
I had seen inner strength and guidance in someone who chose to not to move forward at that time. I think you need that to maneuver through life. The same holds true for those who continue and move forward in life with, no right or wrong.
One individual who experienced many losses chose to not move forward in an effort to be supportive of someone else. This decision was made with full awareness and understanding of the potential sacrifice being made. I was the one who initially viewed this as a sacrifice but the individual indicated this was a choice made out of love.
Hmmm, what decisions had I make out of love to not move forward with my life? There had been some, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
What are your reasons for not moving forward? Perhaps, you have reasons that pushed you forward. No matter what life has brought our way, choices and change happen with or without our consenting to them.
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders