Relationship Choices and Change…I Did Not Want!

Stop and think about this for a moment; something drastic happens that causes a relationship to end and it was not your choice. 

Initially grief symptoms can set in with all their vengeance, feeling as a punishment.  Thoughts or words spoken such as “why me”, “what did I do to deserve this”, “how long is this going last”, and more.  

We could be talking about:

  • Death loss but not limited to this
  • Separation from children, grandchildren, in-laws (mother, father, sister, brother etc.) parents, siblings, partner, friends and the list goes on for whatever reason
  • Adoption
  • Missing persons
  • Work/job loss

The point is, sometimes we have no say or choice in the matter or manner in which way a separation occurs and that just “sucks” to put it bluntly.

When the loss of the relationship occurs for whatever reason, occasionally:

  • We can do very little or nothing to alter the situation, but take care of ourselves
  • Life creates situations for us to learn from (oh joy…just what you wanted to hear)
  • Situations cause us to look deep within ourselves and create a new and different life we never would have dreamed could have been part of our life’s journey
  • We don’t see the rhyme or reason for what has happened
  • Bad things happen to nice people

SOMETIMES we just have to get out of our own way and see what is not apparent to us while we are in those moments of despair and sadness.

“Okay!!!”, you might say… “But how do I do this”?

  • Look for someone who has come through what you have experienced
  • Be inspired by something/someone…don’t just sit there…take a step to create or do one small thing differently
  • Ask for the help…ASK!  ASK!  ASK!

I have heard the phrase “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”.  I agree with this, but if possible, bring in someone to support you, if that is what you need to get started (not a long-term hand holding).

Here are a few ideas of what could be considered as supportive options:

  • Support group
  • Life coach
  • Counsellor who understands many aspects of your loss experiences
  • Psychologist
  • Energy worker
  • Spiritual advisor
  • A friend

Remember, it is always about YOU!

All my best,

Barbara Gillett Saunders  

Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist