After a loss occurs many individuals view the experience one way and from that perspective the individual creates the context of how the grieving process “should” be. The key word here is “should”. Who puts the emphasis on “SHOULD”?
Does the individual, society, friends, family etc. have a say in what “should” be? Is the individual influenced by what others think? Perhaps!
Sometimes guilt, what ifs, whys and other thoughts play havoc with emotions and the grief process. The saying, “You can’t see the forest for the trees” is applicable in this situation. The confusion, numbness and forgetfulness that come with grief and loss can put emotions in a box that is hard to get out of.
When a situation is always looked at from one point of view and by one person the tendency to stay stuck in grief is possible. The heaviness of grief is similar to carrying the back pack of rocks; soon you become accustomed to carrying the extra burden and you don’t realize it is there.
Others who know and watch you in life may realize what is happening. Ask your family or friends what they see and feel you are not seeing or feeling. Are you open to their input? Are you willing to look at the situation from different eyes?
Removing a few rocks from your back pack may help you to start to feel better. The rocks may be letting go of guilt and blame for something you had no control over, but could not see from your viewpoint.
How do others see you in your grief situation? Is it the same as you see yourself? Reframing what you think, do and believe may be part of the process to help you move forward.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
By C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
“Make your day beautiful with kindness.
Kindness to YOU!”
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders