Measuring success in saying good bye to grief

What does saying good bye to grief look like to YOU?  Can you imagine the grief you would want or need to say good bye to or would some component of grief always be with you?  Everyone is unique in how they handle or do not handle grief.  Everyone has a story that is somewhat different than someone else’s story.

Hmmm, now that I asked the question I am wondering; of the grief I see in others, if it were my grief what would I want or need to say good bye to?  I would want to say goodbye to the grief that rips your heart wide open, leaving you vulnerable, exposed and incapable of making decisions.  The grief that stops you in your tracks!

Can you feel it or imagine how it feels for those in this position?

The grief that causes people to look at you and say to themselves, “I am sad for that person, but I am also glad it is not happening to me”.  Grief that keeps you stuck in a dark place for a long time.  The grief that elicits pity from others that you can see in their eyes as you walk past them, are aspects of grief I would want to say good bye to.

Know, that when you say or hear “Will this be my forever after”? The answer can be “NO” as it pertains to holding onto grief.  It may require a repositioning of theheart hurt. Setting it in a special spot where you can look at it whenever you choose to; the key word being “choose” to!

Saying good bye to your grief may look like; inner strength, having more happy times than sad times, sobbing less often and being able to talk about loss without crying the big crocodile tears.

Grief is not all sadness; it can change over time.  Gentle reminders and a smile, shared experiences and memories, the songs and sounds, symbolism in life and death; are all ways of measuring success in saying good bye to grief.

Having a life of sharing more connections with family and friends or exploring new relationships. For the adventurous individual, it might be seeing amazing sites around the world and all that comes with traveling. The point being; living life to the fullest.

There is a saying that states; “If you can dream it you can do it” by Walt Disney.  Can you do it or be a support for someone to help them say good bye to grief?

Barbara Saunders is a Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist