I would like to share a few ideas and stories I have heard from women who have experienced a pregnancy loss.
One idea was about naming their child. In a quiet space she asked in her mind “What is your name” (For some, this would be asking God or a high power for assistance in getting a name for the child)? In the short time that followed she heard a name in her mind. Being skeptical and having a questioning nature she mentioned “that is not the name I would have picked” and thought of other names. After contemplating different names, she realized this name came to her mind for a reason and finally settled on the name she received.
I have heard similar but different stories from other women as well. The main theme was asking and a name came in their mind that they never would have initially chosen or had ever entertained the thought of.
What is the importance of having a name? A name can place acknowledgement, acceptance and love expressed for a child who perhaps has been unspoken of for some time, by anyone. The fact that this does not have to be shared with others, just knowing within self in many cases helps to soften the loss. The “remembering” can become special and important in a different way.
Another means a woman used to help heal from a few pregnancy losses was to get a tattoo. She had two children who were alive and three who died in pregnancy. This woman chose to have a tattoo of two roses in full bloom together with three rose buds not fully open. A passer-by would not know the significance of this personal piece of artwork but it was a symbol of her love for all of her children.
Other passive ways of remembering are;
- Choose a special flower that is intended as a remembering of the child
- Plant a memorial tree
- Wear a piece of jewellery specific to the child (there are many options)
- Have a special ornament that is a symbol of the child
- Have a garden area with special plants
- Find a teddy bear that “feels” right
- Purchase a baby outfit and place it in a special memory box
- Write a letter to the child expressing your thoughts and feelings and tuck it away
I hope this helps in some way.
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders