I would like to share a few ideas and stories I have heard from women who have experienced a pregnancy loss which made an impression on me.
One was about naming their child. In a quiet space she asked in her mind (for some this would be asking god or a high power) “what is your name”? In the short time that followed she heard a name in her mind. Being skeptical and of a questioning nature she mentioned “that is not the name I would have picked” and thought of other names. After contemplating different names she realized this name came to her mind for a reason and finally settled on the name she received.
I have heard similar but different stories from other women as well. The main theme was asking and a name came in their mind that they never would have initially chosen or had ever entertained the thought of.
What is the importance of having a name? A name can place acknowledgement, acceptance and love expressed for a child who perhaps has been unspoken of for some time, by anyone. The fact that this does not have to be shared with others, just knowing within self in many cases helps to soften the loss. The “remembering” can become special and important in a different way.
Another way a woman used to help heal from a few pregnancy losses was to get a tattoo. She had two children who were alive and three who died in pregnancy. This woman chose to have a tattoo of two roses in full bloom together with three rose buds not fully open. A passer-by would not know the significance of this personal piece of artwork but it was a symbol of her love for all of her children.
Other passive ways of remembering are;
- Choose a special flower that is intended as a remembering of the child
- Wear a piece of jewellery specific to the child
- Have a special ornament that is a symbol of the child
- Have a garden area with special plants
- Find a teddy bear that “feels” right
- Write a letter to the child expressing your thoughts and feelings and tuck it away
I hope this helps in some way. I would love to hear your stories. Feel free to send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org