Grief Perceived as Anger

Anger is often described as a stage of grief after a loss and in some cases this is true.  Often the perceived anger associated with one loss may be compounded by unexpected additional stresses.  The individual may feel changes in themself and others may notice or think something is wrong.

Low tolerance or no tolerance by an individual after a main loss may be seen or interpreted by others as anger.  The individual may be tired of dealing with life’s situations at the moment and need to retreat from everyone for a while.  This is not anger, but self-care.

In some cases the grieving individual may have no patience when listening to someone complain about their “nail polish” when in reality the grieving person’s life feels like it is falling apart.  They may be asking themselves, “Why me, why at this time”?

Changes in self, being mentally and emotionally worn down and the added pressures of expectations by society to get back to your “old self” may weigh heavy on an individual. What the others do not realize is the individual may feel lost and not have any idea of who they are any more or how they fit into their life.

Realizing the “old self” is gone may open the door to additional anger when the individual tries to figure out how to maneuver between family, friends, job and them self. Often, when less tolerance is connected with anger the individual may start to question everything and wonder what is really important in life.

What is important for the individual or what the individual determines to be important may go against what society expects or wants.  At this time the grieving individual may not give two hoots about anyone else and finally start to look deeper at their own situation.

Friendships may end, because others do not understand the different person that is or has emerged from this loss.  The grieving individual may not see the qualities they expected to see in close relationships around them after their loss and this causes changes.  Perhaps anger comes with the territory or is perceived as such, when in reality the grieving person trying to create meaning in their life and associate with those who have shown they really care.

Deciding what has meaning in life may be a start of something new.  Possibilities may arise as the individual determines what fits and what does not fit into their life now.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.