What others might not know about suicide loss continued (part 3 of 3)

by wpadmin

This is what I have noticed when people start to “get better” or appear better. This in NO WAY says they are 100% better.  It does say that they are starting to live around the pain of their loss.  As mentioned before, the pain from loss never goes away, it can get triggered at anytime, place, day or year no matter what age you are or how long ago the loss occurred.

The grieving individual can gradually;

  • Smiles more…really smiles
  • Their face starts to soften (I only meet new clients when they are in distress)
  • Their eyes get a sparkle back in them
  • They try to reach out to others and help them with their grief experience
  • They share their story with others
  • They create meaning in their life and often want to incorporate a way of always having their person remembered

Please remember this does not mean they are cured of their grief.  It means they are using much of their energy to try the best they can to move forward with this loss.

What can you do to help?

  • Be that person who does not judge
  • Be that person who listens for however long it takes (maybe years)
  • Be that person who says “come on, lets go for a drive” (do something different)
  • Be that person who shares stories of their special person, perhaps you have stories they have not heard of
  • Be that person who asks what do you need help with and DOES IT, not just say “hey call me if you need anything”
  • Be the person who cuts the lawn, because you notice it is not getting done
  • Be the person who picks up extras such as toilet paper, milk, bread etc., because you notice the individual is not leaving the house
  • Be the person who does not forget about your friends because they are hurting inside and out.

Take good care of you too.

  • You cannot be everything to everyone
  • You are not a mind reader and do not truly know what someone else needs, for that matter, they might not know what they need now either
  • Saying no is an option
  • It is not wrong to enjoy your life if someone else is in a different spot in theirs

Some of the above comments are applicable for those who have general loss,

not only to suicide.

All my best

Barbara Gillett Saunders

“Do your best and not always will your best be the same each time or day.”

Roughly taken from “The Four Agreements” byDon Miguel Ruiz