No one to call mom or dad may have numerous applications and reasons for being a fact of life for some individuals.
The memories of this way of being for a child may continue into adulthood. Stories remembered of making a craft for a mom or dad in school and not knowing what to do with that craft afterwards. Feeling pressured to make something and not knowing who was safe to talk to about the strong feelings of loss.
Are you an adult who grew up with no parent or parents?
Does anyone pay attention to this sadness? Who even knows there is sadness deep in the heart? I use the term “sadness” in a generalized context, but components of grief and loss can last a life time. Many individuals believe they are good at hiding their true feelings.
Notice how you or others behave when an anniversary date of a death or loss is near. Ask someone else if they have noticed changes in you at certain times of the year; chances are good they have and did not want to open the door of discussion on your loss experience.
Years may pass and all of a sudden, one trigger will occur that causes the grief reaction and the door of memories opens. The memories come flooding back with no one to call mom or dad when growing up as a child and for some, no one to emulate being a mom or dad when you are the parent.
Unanswered questions, sometimes wondering about your self-worth, perhaps striving and being an over achiever may be a part of your story. It is never too late to talk with someone and heal from your loss.
All my best,
Barbara J. Saunders